Love after death

I’m in the singular position of not knowing where to begin with a post. I usually launch into my fashion prattle with barely a breath of hesitation. After the loss of my beloved father and the surprise response to 11 Lessons from my Dad, I don’t quite know how to pick up my blog again. Chirping on about this season’s statement skirt or chunky sandal feels trite in the extreme. However, normal business must resume at some time other. My Dad would have been mortified if he had thought that after he left this world, I wouldn’t be getting on with my life. He was never one to mess about or crumble in the face of adversity, so get on I shall. However I need to I acknowledge the events of the past 10 days or so.

I have been bowled over by the messages of condolence that have flown my way. Many people from all over the world have expressed their personal sorrow and sympathy at my Dad’s passing. I’ve been grateful for every kind word. The death of an actor whose body of work has a broad spectrum of appeal usually generates a certain degree of public lament. However, what I have found truly extraordinary is how Dad’s 11 lessons has gone ‘viral’ – a most unfortunate term in my view, but it is apt none the less. Scores of people from all over the world have got in touch with me to say how they were moved by his words. A number of folk have written to say that they’ve printed out the list and stuck it on the fridge to give themselves a daily reminder of  his sage advice. A few have messaged me to say that they are having a hard time at the moment but the 11 Lessons has given them a little comfort and hope.

This response has come as a complete surprise to me. I did have a chuckle at the number of journalists who think that my name is Haute. Nonetheless, the 11 Lessons are entirely genuine – it’s how he lived his life and what he said to me when I was distressed, vexed or angry. I wrote them down to remind myself of how he was – I’m frightened that time will unravel my already frayed memory and I’ll forget. However, the resonance of my Dad’s words echoing across the globe gives me great solace, it’s as though he’s not quite gone.

A dear friend of mine called me shortly after the news of Dad’s passing broke and said something that really stuck with me. She spoke of when her own father died a number of years ago and how her love for him has deepened over time. I realised that love doesn’t wither and die with the frail, fallible human body. It pulls up an easy chair, settles in and makes itself good and comfortable in the heart. Even though my Dad has died, my love for him endures and will continue to grow for as long as I live.

I will endeavour to get back to blogging as normal, but it may take a little time. My fashion focused writing will be peppered with musings about loss and love for a while. Maybe my blog will be all the richer for it – one more thing I have to thank my Dad for.



  • Ruth Coker Burks

    Ruth Coker Burks I worked with your dad & Sammy on a film in Arkansas, USA one summer..Your dad really was my favorite actor..I never told him that because it sounded so trite and empty but, he was..I was walking into the hotel with a crate of peaches and had a rather naughty peach in my hand,,Your dad & Sammy opened the door for me and your dad exclaimed that he wanted peaches in his dressing room every day..I thanked him and offered some in the meantime..then I thought,,right, don’t we all want peaches in our dressing rooms..poor guy.I wonder why he thought he wold have a dressing I had no idea that I had just met THE Bob Hoskins! He was so unassuming and humble I really thought he was a crew member or delusional fan..really..I wasn’t informed that he would be working on the film. I was finding expensive homes on Lake Hamilton for the “Movie stars”..he was not on my list..Later, I was mortified to find out that I had met him and did not recognize him and kinda ignored his request…He forgave me..It was a very long , VERY HOT summer indeed..the temp was 115 degrees Fahrenheit and the heat index was way over 125..he was always chipper when taking to the crew or fans..He had to wear a heavy brown frock..he was miserable..he had to be but, not a peep out of him…he always had a kind word and a quick smile..I worked rather close with him and saw a lot..what I saw amazed me..while other actors were complaining he was not..while other actors were demanding he was not..he asked me one time if they had ordered something to make it cooler for him..that is all I ever heard him say about the heat..All he wanted to talk about was his children and daughter is a year older than you and so we always had something to talk about.I know that sometimes he would be on the phone with your mother..he just needed to hear her voice..I have always heard that the greatest gift to a child is to love their mother..He did love your mother indeed and he loved you and Jack and the others..He always had a quick smile when I would ask about ya’ll..his eyes would light up as if i had just told him you were there! I don’t know how many people really get to meet such a great and talented man but, I did.I got to work with my favorite actor and it was as wonderful of an experience as anyone could ever hope for. Sammy and I stayed in touch until his address was lost when my briefcase was stolen..I am so glad we reconnected..Rosa, you and your family were the reason he got up in the morning and how he closed his eyes at night..He was a dream come true to work with and a dream come true to call friend..I truly had the time of my life that summer and he was a huge part of it and it was so comforting to know a man who truly loved his wife and children as much as he did you.Be blessed by his memory and the lessons he taught you..Know that he was an honorable man who worked very hard for you and that he took the time to make the world a better place one person at a time

  • Hi again, Rosa. 🙂

    I’m kind of happy and so thankful to see you writing this. I feel identified too, as that’s exactly what I feel. I lost my most beloved uncle at 8 in a tragic way that I prefer not making it public. I miss him a lot, I will always do, today I’m 24. And I must say that I feel he’s still alive. He didn’t have any child, but he’s still here with me, as I wouldn’t have become who I am now if I hadn’t loved and lost him the way I did.

    Maybe that’s why I feel so deeply sad each time someone I love or admire passes away. Maybe that’s why I’m writing you again, because I still feel that lump in my throat, I can’t help remembering how I felt once when I was just a child… I like your father a lot, and as my uncle I can’t help feeling that they’re always gonna be alive for us. It’s not being in denial, it’s a choice, a beautiful and powerful choice for me. It gives me strength every day, I’m sure you’ll take it the same way. 🙂

    Feelings, above all the deepest ones, are forever.

  • Jolly Roger

    Hello again Rosa……………

    You might be interested to know that I am in the process of writing a book called “The Spiritual Stage.” Here is a bit from the book which may be of interest:

    “I was booked on several occasions to entertain the two children of Bob Hoskins, the actor. What was interesting was that I had no idea who he was as I did not recognize him.
    He was there on the doorstep and offered to help me in with my props and
    then showed me around his walled garden. It was a quaint house, the style often found in that neighborhood of London known as Islington,where many of the surrounding streets might almost be considered slums. I was trying to picture what profession he might be in. He had a course Cockney accent,and yet his children spoke quite eloquently, as did his wife. As in the case of the Prince William party,it was a 2 hour party where I organize the games as well as perform a magic show. This is actually what most children’s entertainers in the UK do, where in America they normally just present a magic show at birthdays. Bob Hoskins himself was the life and soul of the party joining in all the games and loving the magic show. The first year I did his child Rosa’s birthday party. It had been a huge success, and I thought what nice people Mr. and Mrs.Hoskins were. However, I left the house still having no idea of his profession.

    The following year,Bob Hoskins starred in the movie, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.” That year I was asked back to entertain at his child’s birthday party. Naturally I now knew who he was. Did this make any difference to the way I treated him or he treated me? It absolutely did not.”

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